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Goodbyes and Good Vibes!


We often talk about wanting to be surrounded by good vibes and good energy, but what if we create not-so-good vibes for ourselves? Will we give ourselves a pep talk and say, “I need you to change your energy because I’m feeling some toxicity?” Or will we separate ourselves from “ourselves” in an effort to keep our minds in the right space? Likely not, and I’m not quite sure how that would even work.


We’ve all had a time or two where we found ourselves creating a space that was not positive or nurturing for us or others. I recently had an experience where I allowed myself to travel down the not-so-good vibes road. Someone, unexpectantly, triggered me. How many times have we just been tramping along with life, and suddenly, BAM! Someone or something forces us to remember a time or a feeling that was not so pleasant. This may also have been a time when we’d made a mistake or done something that we are not so proud of.

During my triggered moment, I began to feel disappointed in myself and the efforts I had made to help this person who relied on me. I immediately started to believe that I could’ve done more or done better. To make matters worse, I’d also seen a picture from a difficult time in my past and started recounting the hardships I experienced. Instead of priding myself on the before-and-after transformation, I began to ruminate on the feelings and emotions that I had in the past.

I got so engulfed in what happened back then that my mood began to change, and I began to feel defeated and depressed. I’d jumped on the “feeling sorry for myself train,” and I couldn’t get myself off. Wow, it’s amazing how quickly something can trigger you and change your mood, focus, and entire vibe. The question is, Why live in the negative, dwell on the mishaps, or reflect on the times when you’ve fallen short if you have moved beyond them?


“The truth is unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” -Steve Maraboli


Looking back at the situation, I realize that I should’ve been prepared to handle this trigger. Whether it is something someone says, a song played on the radio, or a blast from the past, we ultimately control our actions and reactions. I let those triggers get the best of me. I failed to remember that I was no longer living in that difficult time and actively working on being the best version of me that I could be.


I concluded that I was so easily affected by the triggers because I had not completely let go of the pain, moved on from the hurt, or said goodbye to the difficult times. When you’ve truly said goodbye to the stress, heartache, confusion, and complications from the past that have plagued you, triggers will not get the best of you. To truly move forward, you have to address the open wounds of the past, forgive yourself and others, and look ahead, not back. You have to learn how to keep your spirit uplifted and maintain positive energy.


While we don’t always know when or what we will encounter in a day, there are some techniques that we can use to combat negative thinking and tame our triggers so that they don’t ruin our day. Here are some things to do to master it:

  • Identify the source of the hurt and pain and begin to address it.

  • Begin to heal any open wounds and learn how to refute negative thoughts when they occur.

  • Make a decision that you will move forward and work diligently to leave the past in the past.

  • Take inventory of the people and situations in your life that may be causing you undue stress and begin to make some environmental changes.

  • Use prayer, affirmations, meditation, journaling, and other tools to keep yourself in a positive mindset.

Taming your triggers and keeping positive vibes around you is a skill to master, but it can bring your life so much peace and happiness once mastered. For more details on taming your triggers and maintaining positive energy, download the free eBook available from The Confident Lily entitled “Be Your Best Self: 5 Steps to Obtaining Your Personal Power”.

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